Spewing Your Stuff, Otherwise Known as the Elevator Pitch

Posted: 11/26/2021 in Humor, Job Search, Networking
Tags: , , , , ,
elevator

The elevator pitch is your little summary, 30–60 seconds, that you spew on people about who you are professionally. Of course, you don’t want to spew it on unsuspecting guests at your cousin’s barbecue when they’re only trying to relax and scarf down a few chicken wings (especially without a mask). Spewing is okay when:

  • you’re asked “So tell me about yourself” at an informational or actual job interview
  • you’re at a formal networking event which requires you to stand up and talk about yourself for one minute
  • you’re having a chat with someone about work stuff, and the conversation goes into detail beyond the initial, “So what do you do?”

That’s it. Any other situation is not okay to spew in. Especially in an actual elevator.

So what does your spew actually consist of? It includes four components:

  • I am – this is just your name. Simple enough. At least, I hope so. If not, you’re really in trouble.
  • I do your job title or “tagline” describing what you do in ten words or less.  For example, if your field is pharmaceutical sales, your tagline could be, “I sell drugs.” Good conversation starter.
  • I help How do your skills help an employer fulfill their wildest fantasies? “I help small companies increase their customer base; I’ve been working in the field for over ten years.” That’s the idea, though you don’t have to actually use the word “help.” Really, it’s okay.
  • I need Of course, you would never actually say, “I need …” The idea is to convey what you’re looking for, while tooting your own horn. “I’m looking for an opportunity to use my blah–blah skills in a big drug company, so I can get all the drugs I want.” Just kidding on that last part.

So write and practice your spew so that it doesn’t sound like you’ve written and practiced it, and only spew when asked. And if you’re spewing indoors, wear a mask.

Happy schmoozing.

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