Laurie Holman: Comedy Writer, Copywriter, Chocolate Connoisseur

Here’s some stuff not to do when shmoozing with employers:

10.   Pull a copy of your resume out of your bra and hand it to the recruiter.

9.     Chomp on gum and pull it out of your mouth in one long string.

8.     Show up at a job fair in sweats.

7.     Give the employer details about your efforts to get your juvie record sealed.

6.     Talk to a would-be employer at a networking event with your mouth full, and spit food in her face.

5.     Wear a lime-green polka-dot tie to a meeting at a finance company.

4.     Peer into the HR person’s desk drawer and pocket a roll of mints when they leave the room.

3.     Blast Marilyn Manson on your MP3 player while waiting to be interviewed.

2.    Tell the recruiter about how much you hated your last job.

1.    Carry your career portfolio in a plastic Victoria’s Secret bag.

And in case you’re wondering, I have actually witnessed most of these firsthand. Yes, really.