Laurie Holman: Comedy Writer, Copywriter, Chocolate Connoisseur

Here’s an excerpt from “What Color is Your Straitjacket? – A Pocket Guide to Getting and Keeping a Job Without Going Wacko” available as an ebook, http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/what-color-is-your-straitjacket-a-pocket-guide-to-getting-and-keeping-a-job-without-going-wacko/14601180

GIVE ‘EM WHAT THEY WANT – MAKE YOURSELF LESS LAYOFFABLE

In general, your employer will want to keep you around and you’ll be much less layoffable not just because you smell good, but because:

• you have a positive attitude – no one wants to work with Whiny Guy
  
• you’re flexible – not flexible like you can wrap both legs around your neck, but rather like you’re willing to go with the flow and do things outside your job description, like clean the john when the company can no longer afford a maintenance person
  
• you’re dependable – you’re there, you’re ready to go, you’re the go-to guy; the one everyone automatically turns to with really dumb questions that have nothing whatsoever to do with your job
  
• you give a crap about the company and your co-workers
  
• you’re easy to get along with – you aren’t more than mildly irritating, you treat everyone with respect, and you don’t bitch-slap your boss when he annoys you
  
• you’re honest – you don’t steal your co-worker’s lunch from the fridge when you think no one is looking
  
• you’re presentable – you don’t embarrass your boss in a meeting with clients by telling jokes about whores
  
• you refrain from getting involved in office gossip – don’t spread those rumors about the director hitting on an employee in a trannie bar
  
• you have unique skills the company needs – you’re the only one in the company who can figure out how the old toaster oven works
  
• you take initiative – don’t wait to be asked; think up stuff that’ll not only keep the company from flushing itself down the sewer but even help them make lottsa money
  
• you keep your skills and attitude current – if you’re still referring to your PC as “that confounded machine” you may be gone a helluva lot faster than it will
  
• you’re eager to learn new skills – eager in a professional way, of course – not eager like a cocker spaniel puppy panting to go take a whiz in the yard