1. There’ll be a bit of a delay, folks — there’s a slight problem with the engine.
2. Oh good, there’s an extra barf bag in this row.
3. Sorry for the delay — we’ll be taking off as soon as the pilot sobers up.
4. I can’t seem to stop eating these peanuts, even though they make me really gassy.
5. We’ll be starting our descent in … uh-oh.
6. Ladies and gentlemen, please observe the “fasten seat belt” sign until we can figure out what’s causing the plane to shudder.
7. Folks, if you look out your window, you’ll see … Oh my God, what is THAT?!
8. My baby hates flying. Here, take my earplugs.
9. We don’t want to alarm anyone, but several of your fellow passengers seem to have disappeared.
10. Everyone duck!
Laurie Holman: Comedy Writer, Copywriter, Chocolate Connoisseur 