Posts Tagged ‘movies’

Does anyone else find the whole concept of The Parent Trap profoundly disturbing?? Maybe it’s because I lost my father when I was eight, but I find the whole idea kind of warped. parent-trapYou’ve got two parents who each not only abandon one of their children, but keep two sisters — twins, yet — separated without telling them that the other one even exists.

I’d like to write an alternate version of the story entitled The Parent Trap — the Dark Side. Separated in infancy serial-killerand left without conscious knowledge of their loss, the twins develop severe attachment disorders and become serial killers.

I could see it as an SNL episode.

Actually, writing alternate versions of films could be interesting. How about Saving Private Ryan as a romantic comedy? Or Godfather II — The Musical.

Or how about incongruent screen couples: Vanessa Redgrave and Pauly Shore. Or Emma Thompson and Sylvester Stallone. Judi Dench and Billy Crystal. These are the things I think about when I can’t sleep at two in the morning.

With the Oscars coming up, I’ve been going to see as many Best Picture nominees as I can squeeze into my weekends.   film director

Here’s some haiku for a few of them. If you’re not familiar with haiku, it’s a form of poetry consisting of 3 lines, with 5 syllables in the first and third lines and 7 syllables in the second.

Les Mis — lovesick girl
The guy’s into someone else
Get a clue — move on

Silver Lining plot:
Bradley Cooper runs amok
Finds girl, settles down

Lincoln — such a mensch
Wish I could go back in time
And, well — you can guess

Zero Dark Thirty
It’s hard to have a sex life
While waterboarding

Argo — fake movie
Got those people the hell out
Ben with a beard — nice!

Characters in films do all kinds of appalling things when they’re job-hunting that don’t fly in real life. Here are some of the most cringe-worthy:

  • Dress in goofy clothes in a job interview. Tom Hanks wears a powder-blue jacket in an interview scene in “Big.” Of course, he’s supposed to be only twelve, which is pretty much the only way you can get away with that kind of outfit. Generally speaking, a dark suit with a shirt or blouse that doesn’t glow in the dark (a little color is okay) is what you want to shoot for.
  • Beg for the job. In the movie, “Married to the Mob,” when Michelle Pfeiffer interviews for a job at a hair salon, she says to the owner, “I really need this job; please give me a chance.” Yeah, thanks for sharing. Employers don’t hire you because YOU need the job. They hire you because THEY need someone with your many talents.
  • Have a lover’s spat in front of a business prospect. That would be Melanie Griffith in “Working Girl.” Never a good idea to blatantly display your love life in a work situation, unless you’re an actor.
  • Show up at an interview looking like you spent the night in prison. After a series of mishaps, including getting mugged, having to sleep in Central Park, almost getting arrested with his hand in a little boy’s pocket and losing a tooth,  Jack Lemmon interviews for a sales job in “The Out-of-Towners” with no explanation whatsoever for his homeless appearance. Should you run into a snag on the way to an interview that results in your arriving looking like you’ve been digging through trash, it’s true that you don’t want to go into a long rambling account of your horrible experience and how traumatized you are. It’s still preferable, though, to give a brief and to-the-point explanation of why you look like crap than to just ignore it, like you always look like that.
  • Tell an interviewer that you don’t have any experience, but you learn fast. Jesse Eisenberg says something similar in “Adventureland.” Even entry-level jobs in real life do require either some work experience or concrete skills you use in your everyday life, which you have to spell out for the employer. Just saying you learn fast won’t cut it.